Most of my 13 blog followers know that I've been dealing with a health crisis since the end of October... my liver exploded. Well to be honest a tumor (aka Frank) in my liver exploded. Either way, it wasn't pleasant and I'm not going to go into the gory details here, and you can bet your ass I won't be posting a pic of my brutal/kickass stomach scar. The good news is that as of today I've been out of the hospital for 1 month (yay!) and am gearing up to going back to work in 2 weeks.
Anyway, I got to thinking about my time in the hospital and I misplaced a lot of things during my stay there. It's amazing what you can lose in a month! Without further ado, here are the things that I've lost:
1. My dignity - First rule of lengthy hospital stays - they don't do underwear. Between the multiple surgeries, sponge baths, and those hospital gowns I've got the sinking feeling that everyone in the hospital has seen me naked. More than once. And lets not forget the time where I got out of bed, fell on my face, and 5 male nurses came to pick me up. Remember the no underwear rule? Dignity flew right out the window.
2. My caffiene addiction - I used to drink a crazy amount of coffee and soda... and I haven't really had any in the last 2.5 months. In the interest of full disclosure, I had a sip of Pepsi in the hospital and it didn't agree with me, and I've had several glasses of Sprite, which is non-caffienated. Absolutely no coffee has passed these lips though. I'm looking at the fact that caffiene headaches are no match for morphine as a gift, and I'm really trying not to screw this up. Honestly, I'm a little concerned about when I go back to work - Marketing/Advertising is tough and it screams for coffee or some other pick-me-up.
3. My fascination with scars - I realize I may be the only girl in America who doesn't mind having scars, which is great because I have a lot of them. Each one tells a story, and it shows that I'm not some shrinking violet who doesn't do anything. Now I have what seems like 50% more... and they look pretty brutal. Personally I think it looks like I got gutted by Ghostface from Scream and then beaten with a baseball bat. Right now I have a love/hate with them and eventually I'll be one with my new scars. Until then, I'm rethinking my swimsuit strategy for next summer.
4. My sanity - ICU Psychosis is fascinating, but I wish I never had it. Lack of sleep in the ICU, all the meds, the toxins in my body, they all made me certifiable, paranoid, and aggressive. I even had a slight detour into spousal abuse when I laid a right-hook right on Parrish. I even punched and kicked at the nurses. The best part of ICU Psychosis is having the nurse tell Parrish that he had to agree with everything I said. How's a girl supposed to know she's sane when her hubby is agreeing that he heard a demon in the ICU speaking in tongues? Looking back it's kind of amusing and Parrish & I have compared notes on what actually happened, but I still cringe to think that I wasn't myself. Luckily for me once I got into the "step-down unit" and had my own room I was able to sleep and get everything back to normal.
5. My appetite - To date I've lost 20 pounds, mostly because I'm just not hungry. I like to call it the "LiverSplode" diet... it's effective, but I don't suggest it. One of the doctor's told me it's not uncommon for people with stomach trauma to lose their appetite for up to a year. A whole year. Right now I'm eating 3 meals a day, but I eat breakfast because I know I should eat breakfast, not because I'm hungry. Now I hate to cook AND eat. Where's the fun in that?
6. My clothes - Parrish swears he put me in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt to get to the hospital... but I mysteriously seem to be missing my only pair of jeans and my favorite tank top. Sure they can be replaced, but I really REALLY liked that tank top.
I hope this didn't seem like a bitchfest because I really didn't mean it to be. Honestly, I could have lost a lot more than just what I listed here. It's nice to get it out on the table once in awhile =)
Crazy Song of the Day: Crazy by Patsy Cline
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I know you've heard this a lot from everyone, but I'm so glad you've made it out of this. There was a short time when we weren't' sure you would. (probably right before that left hook?) Here's to making 2012 the year of Jamie!
ReplyDeleteVery funny and insightful. I, too, am very happy you are back among the rest of us walking freakshows. We have had enough negative trauma in this family this year.
ReplyDeleteSweetheart, if that was the best bitchfest you can do, you are the least bitchy person on the planet. ;) So glad you're back, even if your butt didn't come with you.
ReplyDelete-Sonja
At least you haven't lost your sense of humor. Your sarcasm-radar may be off, but you haven't lost it! xoxoxooxoxoxo!
ReplyDeletePS: I think you should post a pic of your scar. It's freakin' awesome!
You guys are so sweet! It's hard for me to process the fact that I almost didn't make it since I wasn't awake for that part in the hospital. Either way, I'm glad that I'm here, and that I have awesome friends like you guys. =)
ReplyDelete