Things I Lost in the Hospital

Most of my 13 blog followers know that I've been dealing with a health crisis since the end of October... my liver exploded. Well to be honest a tumor (aka Frank) in my liver exploded. Either way, it wasn't pleasant and I'm not going to go into the gory details here, and you can bet your ass I won't be posting a pic of my brutal/kickass stomach scar. The good news is that as of today I've been out of the hospital for 1 month (yay!) and am gearing up to going back to work in 2 weeks.

Anyway, I got to thinking about my time in the hospital and I misplaced a lot of things during my stay there. It's amazing what you can lose in a month! Without further ado, here are the things that I've lost:
1. My dignity - First rule of lengthy hospital stays - they don't do underwear. Between the multiple surgeries, sponge baths, and those hospital gowns I've got the sinking feeling that everyone in the hospital has seen me naked. More than once. And lets not forget the time where I got out of bed, fell on my face, and 5 male nurses came to pick me up. Remember the no underwear rule? Dignity flew right out the window.
2. My caffiene addiction - I used to drink a crazy amount of coffee and soda... and I haven't really had any in the last 2.5 months. In the interest of full disclosure, I had a sip of Pepsi in the hospital and it didn't agree with me, and I've had several glasses of Sprite, which is non-caffienated. Absolutely no coffee has passed these lips though. I'm looking at the fact that caffiene headaches are no match for morphine as a gift, and I'm really trying not to screw this up. Honestly, I'm a little concerned about when I go back to work - Marketing/Advertising is tough and it screams for coffee or some other pick-me-up.
3. My fascination with scars - I realize I may be the only girl in America who doesn't mind having scars, which is great because I have a lot of them. Each one tells a story, and it shows that I'm not some shrinking violet who doesn't do anything. Now I have what seems like 50% more... and they look pretty brutal. Personally I think it looks like I got gutted by Ghostface from Scream and then beaten with a baseball bat. Right now I have a love/hate with them and eventually I'll be one with my new scars. Until then, I'm rethinking my swimsuit strategy for next summer.
4. My sanity - ICU Psychosis is fascinating, but I wish I never had it. Lack of sleep in the ICU, all the meds, the toxins in my body, they all made me certifiable, paranoid, and aggressive. I even had a slight detour into spousal abuse when I laid a right-hook right on Parrish. I even punched and kicked at the nurses. The best part of ICU Psychosis is having the nurse tell Parrish that he had to agree with everything I said. How's a girl supposed to know she's sane when her hubby is agreeing that he heard a demon in the ICU speaking in tongues? Looking back it's kind of amusing and Parrish & I have compared notes on what actually happened, but I still cringe to think that I wasn't myself. Luckily for me once I got into the "step-down unit" and had my own room I was able to sleep and get everything back to normal.
5. My appetite - To date I've lost 20 pounds, mostly because I'm just not hungry. I like to call it the "LiverSplode" diet... it's effective, but I don't suggest it. One of the doctor's told me it's not uncommon for people with stomach trauma to lose their appetite for up to a year. A whole year. Right now I'm eating 3 meals a day, but I eat breakfast because I know I should eat breakfast, not because I'm hungry. Now I hate to cook AND eat. Where's the fun in that?
6. My clothes - Parrish swears he put me in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt to get to the hospital... but I mysteriously seem to be missing my only pair of jeans and my favorite tank top. Sure they can be replaced, but I really REALLY liked that tank top.

I hope this didn't seem like a bitchfest because I really didn't mean it to be. Honestly, I could have lost a lot more than just what I listed here. It's nice to get it out on the table once in awhile =)

Crazy Song of the Day: Crazy by Patsy Cline

My Top 10 List

I love lists.

Wait, that's not right --  I LOVE-love-LOVE-love-LOVE-love-LOVE-love lists.

I use them at work, at home, to keep my wishlists in order, to decide what to do for a day, sometimes I write them just to write them and sometimes I write them to decide what blog post to write. Funny how that happens right?

Without further ado - here's my Top 10 for the last couple of weeks:

 

IN	OUT
40's Pin-up Photo Shoots	Low Self-Esteem
French Rock	Same Ol', Same Ol'
Sterling Silver w/Lego Jewelry	Gold (you can get cash for that!)
Apps with whistles	Sitting on the Couch
South Korean Movies	Lame-ass Hollywood Remakes
Reading	TV
Living The IT Crowd	Watching The IT Crowd (for now)
Your Mom	That's What She Said
Regular Coffee + Cream + Sugar	$5 Mochas
Man's Weekend	DH Skipping Man's Weekend

Song of the Day that Contains a List: Kiss Off by Violent Femmes

How I Discovered the Silmarils

For those who know me well, finding out that I like French Rapcore isn't going to be that big of a shock. I mean I tend to like all sorts of strange music and most of the bands I like are dead or were huge before I was born. I haven't outgrown alternative rock or punk, and I have a secret love affair with pop (Justin Timberlake), rap (Flo Rida), and on the rare occasion, country (Kane).

What it all boils down to is that my taste in music is TERRIBLE, and I'm perfectly okay with it.

So with that being said, lets start at the beginning. Being that I have terrible taste in music, and an unnatural interest in actors, I watched a little French zombie film called The Horde the other day on Netflix, and it rocked my socks off. I'd attach a link but Rotten Tomatoes didn't like it as much as I did (which should tell you something about my taste in movies too).  As I'm prone to do, I checked out all the actors on IMDB, particularly Jean-Pierre Martins, aka my new second husband, and low and behold he had a band.

And that, kids, is how I discovered the Silmarils, France's version of the Beastie Boys. Huge in the mid-90s-2007. Toured with AC/DC & Sugar Ray. The band name appears to be a reference to J.R.R. Tolkien. It's like it was meant to be.

In my experience actors who have bands are 99.9% terrible, but apparently the band has been around since the early 80s and it turned out to be pretty good. For the record, I have no idea what they are saying, occasionally I catch an English word or a French swear word and that's about it.


Here are a couple of my favorites. Enjoy!

Guerilla

Va y Avoir du Sport (the video for this is totally ridiculous)

Rollercoasters, Bad Jobs, and Life Lessons

 

Away we go!



 To say this year has been a roller coaster is a major understatement. Like a "does-a-bear-shit-in-the-woods-I-can't-believe-you'd-ask-me-that" understatement. As I sit here now at the beginning of September I'm in a much better place, but in the last 11 months I've lost a job I loved, got a job that I hated, attempted to sell my house, been unemployed twice, lived with my in-laws, got a new job that I love, and moved to a new city. Looking back, that is so much stress in one year I can't believe Parrish & I survived it or at least didn't climb the nearest clock tower and start shooting. If Nietzsche were to come back to life for the sole purpose of telling me "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." I would haul off and punch him in the groin.

While it's been an eventful year, it hasn't all been negative and I've learned a lot along the way. Stuff that at the whopping old age of 33 I probably should have had a handle on before, but what can I say, I'm a late bloomer. I won't bore you with the ol' "Parrish & I can do anything" swoon-y crap because quite frankly it would get gushy and it's not my style to make everyone want to dry heave. So we'll just get to the second most important lesson I've learned:

Thank goodness I've had a bad job.

I know, I know I'm sure everyone reading this will think I'm a total freak, but having a job I hated really made me think about what I wanted for myself, not only in a job, but how I wanted my life to go. It was a risk taking that job, and I knew it from the minute I left the first - and only - interview that I had. They threw a lot of money at me, and after being unemployed for 3 months, it seemed like taking it was the right thing to do. 4 weeks later I was hating life and wondering about all those other opportunities that I had turned down. I'm proud I took the risk, because I am not a risk-taker, and I like that I paid off all my credit cards AND my car while I was there. Looking back, there were a lot of red flags from the get-go - a 3.5 hour interview that didn't include the head of the marketing department, being asked if I'd ever consider being a CMO even though I'd been an account manager for 3 months, not being offered a water (OK that isn't horrible, but I had cottonmouth BAD). Without further ado - here is all the wisdom I gained from working there:

1. Listen to your gut. I mentioned the red flags earlier - if only I hadn't pushed those feelings away, but it was REALLY easy once they offered me an outrageous salary.
2. If the office gives you the creeps, don't work there. My first thoughts were the place wasn't finished and I didn't want to be there for an extended period of time. That and they only had 2 unisex bathrooms. For 30 people. You will be there a lot, make sure you are comfortable.
3. If upper management doesn't sleep and is stressed out all the time, you will be too. One executive existed solely on Coca-Cola and 3 hours of sleep while another was twitchy and talked a lot. And I mean A LOT. This doesn't make for a peaceful work environment.
4. In a small company you will work the same hours as your boss. And I mean answering correspondence when she emails you at 5 am while you're half asleep and hanging off the bed. My boss was an ex-criminal defense attorney turned marketer. She knew her stuff but she still worked those 90 hour weeks and expected me to also. I believe in working hard, but that is just cray-cray.
5. Keep your commute to under 45 minutes. My commute was 1.5 hours. ONE WAY and that is just ridiculous. The plan was to sell our house and move closer. Luckily I got laid off before that happened, but anything over 45 minutes will kill your will to live.
6. Sometimes getting laid off isn't so bad. In the end, getting laid off was the best thing that happened to me. It made me realize that I needed to fight for a work-life balance and in my second job hunt that's something that I really stressed in my interviews.

3 months after I got laid off (again) I'm at a new job in a new city, and I'm loving every second of it. I see Parrish now more than ever and I can go to sleep without thinking about work the next day. I don't work any less than I ever did, but it's more about efficiency and working realistic schedules than just working to be at work. Life is good.

Song of the Day: 3 Little Birds by Bob Marley. I'm taking it back bitches!

Jamie's Back. Back Again.

So much has happened since my last post - mainly I got a job, been here about 6 weeks and started to notice that "the squish" has come back. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about - all of a sudden when you move there's a roll. Unpleasant but sometimes a fact of life.

Seriously, you'd think with all that time I had being unemployed I'd be doing push-ups like this by now:

Alas, that is not the case. Instead I chose to fill my time with job hunting, interviews, the after-interview-mocha, chocolate, and Criminal Minds marathons on three different channels (I love me some Derek Morgan). Quite frankly I wouldn't change that at all, I did what I needed to do.

Now it's time to get back in the saddle - mostly because of "the squish" and because I have an insanely long commute and I'm sure things are going to start expanding here shortly. Parrish & I have the Kinect and yesterday we started the Your Shape training program, which I'm excited about. So far, I've only done the physical test for it but I'm sore as all get out. Sonja and I are also talking about the logistics of running twice a week... it's a little harder since I now work 2 towns over but I think we can both use the girl time.

Today was supposed to be my first work-out and I woke up at 5:30 am, and I immediately went back to sleep. Honestly, it was awesome, but I feel like I have to AT LEAST set some goals to make up for it. So here goes:

April Goals

1. Mochas down to 1 a week. No apple fritters.

2. Work out 4 times a week.

3. Start 1 painting in April

4. Read 1 book a week

5. 1 blog post a week. To keep me honest.

Ok, so some of them aren't exercise related, but they go to my stress level so it all counts, right? Right?!

I think these are do-able, and with Parrish acting like my Drill Sargent (which is much appreciated) I think I'll have it covered.

Song for the day: Without Me by Eminem

Lots (and lots and lots) of Interviews

To say I've been on a lot of interviews would just be ridiculous... ridiculous because it's true. Since mid-November I've been on roughly 2 interviews a week - that includes phone interviews, recruiter interviews, informational interviews, regular interviews, coffee interviews, surprise group interviews... and still no offers.

This must be what the Three 6 Mafia meant by "It's Hard out Here for a Pimp".

I've been on second interviews, second choice for some positions, and in one company I went on 5 interviews for 2 different departments and met the entire senior marketing staff. I've been on interviews where people are so impressed with me I wonder if they're crazy (but the sentiment was much appreciated) and on some where they obviously didn't know what they wanted in an employee in the first place. I've been following up with some companies for more than a month and have had some just come right out and say that I wasn't the right fit. I've worked with 3 recruiters and an unemployment agency contact who all say I'm making the right decisions, my interviewing style is fine, my resume is "impressive" and that there isn't anything for me to improve on, it's just the current job market and I have to keep on keeping on.

Is this frustrating? Hell yeah, but I'm not letting it get me down. Why?

This week I have 7 interviews in 6 days for 7 different companies and I'm ready to kill it.

In which I lose my job, but learn some things along the way

Losing your job sucks. I found that out the hard way in mid-November when the small advertising agency I worked at had a round of lay-offs. I had a job that I loved, at a company I believed in, and with co-workers that were absolutely awesome. Then I was told I couldn't go back. *sigh* All I can say is that it wasn't my finest moment, because I cried - while they were laying me off, while cleaning out my desk, on the way to the parking garage, on my way home, for most of the week afterward. This isn't going to be bitch session, because honestly, I decided somewhere between work and home that I enjoyed my time there and I wasn't going to let this take me out. I'm not going to lie, some days its been a real struggle, but I've learned a few things in the last couple of months that I thought I would share.

1.) You need your support system. Immediately: I can't tell you how awesome my friends and family have been through this. Between the vent sessions, teary phone calls, and the cheerleading while I've sent out my resume, I know that I couldn't have done this without them. Having someone I can talk to who is going to be on my side no matter what really helped me work through this tough time.

2.) You're going to be angry... and in denial, and depressed, and confused, and lonely. Sometimes all at once. Losing a job is a loss, it's okay to grieve (Read about the stages of grief here).

3.) Pants are overrated: Pretty sure this is where my interest in Pajama Jeans came in. If you aren't going anywhere, do you really need to put on pants? Now I'm not talking pants are overrated in a "I'm so depressed and can't get out of bed" type of way, but more in the "all I have to do is clean the house today..." way. If you can do your job search and walk the dogs in your pjs I say more power to you. And please don't buy me pajama jeans, they are ridiculous!

4.) You will start to do weird things: Like talk to your dogs, or wear make-up when you have a phone interview, or start watching HGTV obsessively (I love me some House Hunters). All I can say is that you'll have a lot of time on your hands to fill. Which leads me to:

5.) You need a project: other than job hunting that is. I've downsized my 1932 sq ft house into 330 sq ft in 2.5 weeks, and helped my in-laws finish a bonus room. My next "big" project is doing needlepoint or maybe finishing that quilt I started 3 years ago. Doing something is so much better than sitting around watching TV and you'll feel better about yourself in the process.

6.) Tough decisions aren't so tough anymore: Selling my house and living with my in-laws may be many things -- embarrassing, not where I wanted to be in my early 30's for sure -- when the writing was on the wall the decision wasn't that hard. Doing what you have to do is much easier when it's your only option.

7.) Network! People can be really helpful: Most of the people I've networked or interviewed with have been laid off and share their stories when I tell them what happened. They also are more than willing to try to help out and pass resumes along. Just remember that asking for help is good, being a pest about it isn't.

8.) Someone else will want to hire you...eventually. I keep telling this to myself. With the job market the way it is and all the competition that's out there, I'm pretty proud of myself that I've been interviewing steadily since I started looking. Even got to second and third interviews at some places. Just keep networking and talking to as many people as you can, and interview when you get the chance. Perseverance pays off!

How I Discovered My Love for Hot Pink

I really wish I could find the picture that inspired me to try painting again - because my version turned out so differently that what I was originally aiming for. The painting (and now that I think about it, it could have been some abstract wallpaper) had these really vivid colors and the stripes were funnel shaped all the way across the canvas. While I think that description is inadequate at best, here is my interpretation without further ado:

Anyone who has been to my house knows that I'm not afraid of color. Lots and lots of bright, vivid, in-your-face color. So far when I try to paint with all of that color by the time I'm done with it I think it's the most hideous thing I've ever seen - that's what happened to this one. In fact it took me two days of stewing over what I needed to do to fix it before I just threw on some black... honestly I can't say that I really like this one, but I like aspects of it. Like the hot pink - I want to put that on everything. Seriously, who knew?

I'm happy to report there was no crying with this one, but Parrish & I did have a great time coming up with ridiculous ideas for what the painting meant. Most of the time Parrish & I think that the meanings the artists come up with are a little pretentious... maybe we're being pretentious in thinking they're pretentious, I don't know. Anyway, one of my favorite was something about how it symbolized man's evolution away from their animal instincts, but mostly because Parrish thought I was being absolutely serious when I told him that. You should have seen the look on his face. *snicker*

I've already got another canvas lined up - this one is quite a bit smaller so I think my next challenge is to limit the number of colors I use. Hot pink here I come!

Painting, and bunnies, and lists (oh my)

This atrocious piece of art that's assaulting your senses on the left is a culmination of years of talking my dear husband's ear off about how I would love to try to paint... and well he finally made me do it. Also, Sonja inspired me with her Wine & Design painting, and I think we all know that if Sonja jumps off a bridge I'd jump to (I'm such a sheep). I've been far too intimidated to actually try painting but this weekend was essentially a do or die situation. And I say "do or die" because after 45 minutes of giggling, pouting, psyching myself out, and essentially just screwing around in front of a white canvas Parrish was going to kill me if I didn't at least try it. For those of you who think it's too dark - it actually started out as a hot pink flower, turned into lots of random bright colors, and morphed into this blue black thingy you see now after a rather large rum & coke. And yes, there *may* have been some tears involved so Parrish just decided to call it art therapy. I'm surprised he didn't try to drown me in acrylics.

Today I just got restless after sitting around all day watching TV -- yes, it was one of those days -- so I got out and walked. Dusk has always been my favorite time of day, something about the way the sky looks, the cicadas are all humming, and I was lucky enough to run into this rabbit just chilling in the neighbors front yard like a cat -- I swear he said "'Sup?" the first time I walked by. The second time I wanted to get a closer look but had this vision of the Rabbit of Caerbannog in Monty Python & the Holy Grail taking out all those knights so I kept my distance.

Anyway, by my 4th lap the rabbit was gone, and I had started thinking about all the reasons I like to exercise, and I made a ton of lists in my head about why I should do it on a daily basis, and yadda yadda yadda and now of course I can't remember a darn thing. I guess you could say the #1 reason I like exercising is that it clears my head, which is no easy feat let me tell you. They all would've made a great blog post, but I'm completely stumped as to why, if exercise does so many positive things for me, then WHY can't I get motivated to do it on a regular basis?

Today: walked 4 laps - 2.4 miles

Wussy dumbbells, biking, and mental health days

That's right, go ahead and laugh. Those are baby blue 3 lb weights... and they've been kicking my arse. One of the things I've been uber self conscious about is my lack of arm strength lately. It's not that I want to look like a body builder, but when I point at things, my triceps should NOT jiggle. Ever. I realize that weak upper body strength is one of those things that girls are just saddled with compared to men, but it doesn't mean that I have to accept it... and that's how I ended up with this wussy looking dumbbells. I'm hoping to move up to the 5 lb one soon; at least they are purple.

Anyway, this week has been a banner week, not only for myself, but for Parrish too. Here's what we've done:

Monday

Parrish has been riding a mile in the morning and a mile in the evening after I get home. I'm pretty proud of him! We went to a park that is relatively close to my house and biked around their 1/3 mile path. I ended up doing 2 miles and I get extra credit for getting whistled at while doing it. And for not running over the walkers - they do NOT like to get out of the way.

Tuesday

Parrish did 2 1-mile bike rides and he's feeling pretty good about that. I had my usual running date with Sonja and we walked the entire 2.5 miles loop. What can I say, we had some stuff to talk about.

Wednesday

Parrish went riding with a friend of his and ended up doing a 5-mile loop. My legs hurt just thinking about it. I took the day off because really - I exercise to live, not live to exercise.

Thursday

This morning I decided to jump on the treadmill with the wussy blue 3 lb dumbbells and did my interval walking workout. I was going to be good and do three sets of 10 curls while I was walking but I spaced out and I ended up just doing as many curls as I could in the first 15 mins. My arms are killing me but hopefully that will pay off eventually.

The best part of this week is that I took today & tomorrow off of work, and I'm hoping to get some more riding time in. And go to the beach. And do some shopping. Just having a couple of mental health days makes me feel so much LESS stressed out it's unbelievable. The great news is that yes, I woke up at 530 am today but it wasn't because I was dwelling about work. I really want to carry that throughout the rest of my weekend - keep your fingers crossed.

Bikes!

Yesterday Parrish & I decided to brave Craigslist and look for a couple of reasonably priced bikes for a couple of less-than-serious people who just want to relive a little of their childhood... and somehow manage to lose 20 lbs in the process (more on that later, so quit screaming at the screen that I don't need to lose 20 blah blah blah).

We ended up meeting this guy named John who likes to acquire bikes and sell them as a hobby. This dude is passionate about two things - fixing bikes, and his 4 cockatoos, the latter which I found a smidgen creepy but that's neither here nor there. He was super nice, and changed all four of Parrish's brake pads at no extra charge, and we got two pretty decent bikes for cheap. And by decent, I mean they are probably Wal-mart specials, but they'll work. I'm so thrilled with mine and I'm trying to name her but I haven't come up with anything yet.

Parrish has recently decided that he needs to be healthier and I am so proud of his decision to start exercising on a regular basis. He wants to lose 20 lbs but he's pretty realistic about how long that's going to take and what we have to do to get him there.

Since we don't have helmets yet, we decided to ride the loop and Parrish made it a little over a mile which is fantastic. I managed 2.4 miles and I'm pretty sure I almost died. It was so much fun though and I'm glad I got talked into getting a bike. Dare I say it... I think I like it better than running! It was something new and fun and while it was HARD I feel really good about what I did - I'm sweaty as hell, my quads burn, and I can't walk up stairs but it felt GREAT.

Does anyone know about bike gears? She's an 18-speed and I have 3 gears on the left hand and 6 on the right... but I'm not sure what the difference is between the two sides? Help!

Small Victories & Solo Runs

For the last year or for however long it's been since I've started trying to workout on a regular basis and I've tried to get Parrish to work out with me. It's only taken me a year - but ladies & gentlemen Parrish has walked with me. TWICE. *dances a jig*


I swear I am so excited -- I HATE having to exercise by myself. It's so boring and my motivation is just about nil about halfway through. Oh yea, and it's good for Parrish to exercise too blah blah blah ;)


Seriously, he's working really hard and I have to give him props. The last time he walked it was 3 loops around our sub division and the neighboring one, which is a little over two miles. Not bad for an old man with bad knees. Naturally, trying to keep it up has been a struggle for both of us - getting up at 5 am is rough, especially when he's been at school until 7-8 every night.


Sonja & I have been walking our loop at work twice a week, and today I got motivated and went for a "run" by myself. It would've been less depressing if my coworkers hadn't driven by me while I was walking. I did pretty well considering, I can run almost the entire first half mile, so I'm pretty proud of that. Another small victory right? I hope by the end of the year to be able to run most of the loop continuously, but right now I'm just proud that I'm getting out there.

Walking is so... pedestrian

I have to admit, I am a running snob. It doesn't matter that I'll never relive my glory days of a 6 minute mile or that honestly I have no desire to run farther than a 5k. It's for old ladies, the very pregnant, or for the nonathletic. It's for freaking mall-walkers people. I don't count myself in any of those categories and ever since I injured my foot, it's the only thing I've been able to do. Can you see me in the picture below - because apparently that's my fate.

Okay, so I'm over-reacting here (and I'm not actually in the picture) but I hate not being able to run, even if it's only a few hundred feet. Luckily for me, daylight savings has hit and Sonja & I have been walking all over our new route, so I'm not sitting inside dwelling on my injury. It's 2.5 miles and we get to go through this nice little park & a really nice neighborhood to get back to the main road. Both times it's taken about an hour to do the entire loop so while we aren't exactly speed-walking we get a good workout in. Not to mention some much needed girl-time!




My foot has been feeling pretty good this week so I tried a little run today to test things out and I was able to run a full 6 minutes on it without incident. You can imagine my relief - I'd given up my heels lately and between the flat shoes and the walking I've been feeling ancient. I'm baaaaccckkk!!!

X-rays, Insomnia, and Daylight Savings

Today starts a much needed 3-day weekend and I high-tailed it to the doc to get my foot checked out. It's been a week since the initial injury, and it still hurts, although admittedly not as bad. I mainly wanted to go to get checked out for a stress fracture - since it didn't swell I knew it wasn't broken but you never know, right? The x-ray place is right next door to my general practitioner (who looks just like my uncle, it's a little scary) and it was the most depressing waiting room I've been in - no plants, no bright paintings, no TV. Anyway, I was in and out in about 15 minutes so it didn't completely kill my will to live. I didn't think I was going to get the results until Monday, however the doc was nice enough to put me out of my misery - no stress fractures YAY! Treatment is back to the usual - heat/ice/Advil & time. Blerg.


While I was there I decided to talk to my doc about my current bought with insomnia I've been having - I can get to sleep just fine, it's just that I wake up at some ungodly hour (today it was 2:30 am) and I can't shut off my brain. She pretty much told me to cut back on caffeine intake, told me to take Benedryl, and gave me a handout. Gotta loved doctors in a hurry.


Anyway, I'm reading this handout and I'm violating all of these suggestions to get a good night sleep. My favorite (and I quote): "Put your worries away when you go to bed". No shit?! I feel good about tonight though - I only had 1 caffienated beverage before noon, managed not to take a nap during Alice in Wonderland (which was close), and stocked up on Benedryl just in case this turns into an ongoing thing. Tonight this is going to be me:






This Sunday starts Daylight Savings Time, and I'm excited to get back out on the road with Sonja. I think we're going to start walking until my foot gets better, but I really missed the girl time!

On Injured Reserve & Taking Care of Myself

I had a friend tell me last week that I really needed to learn how to take care of myself, and I've been mulling over that a lot lately. Frankly, this is something that I've heard before from my husband, my family, and my friends for years. I think the problem is that I don't know how. Sounds insanely stupid right? I get up every morning, manage to put myself together, go to work and get home safely so it should be easy.

I've always taken care of someone else. I'm the oldest sibling so when I was younger I had to take care of my brother & sister, now I have Parrish and our pups, and I like to think that I'm pretty in tune with what my friends and coworkers are feeling. This is going to sound harsh but my mindset has always been that I take care of everyone else, they don't need to take care of me. If I'm taking care of someone else then I'm fine, right?

Wrong. After 32 years I think this might be character flaw.

Last week I hurt myself while running on the treadmill and it totally floored me. I was having a bad week and this was just too much. The breaking point was when Parrish was yelling from downstairs to help find his keys and I was hobbling around trying to find my bathrobe - which is a completely normal situation in my house minus the hobbling - and I got upset with myself because in my eyes I wasn't moving fast enough. At that moment I had an epiphany and against my better judgement I asked for help. It wasn't a huge moment, but you have to start with the little things.

This week I'm feeling better, although my foot still has me on injured reserve. Icy Hot patches they are a godsend. I wanted to exercise today so I took it easy and walked.

30 mins
4 mph
1.9 miles
250 calories burned

Public apologies, unplugging, and a good nights sleep

I realized yesterday, after stewing in my own crankiness and exhaustion for half a day, that I owe a couple of men in my life loads of apologies. My partner in crime at work has been out of town at a seminar (aka forced R&R), he comes back yesterday, and I barely spoke to him. It was one of those days where I was just so freaking tired and I got so stuck in my own head... no excuses, I should have handled things better. Parrish has also been a saint, putting up with me being late at work, and just generally being in a crappy mood. His coping mechanism is interesting - he gives me a hug, then hands me an alcoholic beverage and some chocolate... Not sure what that says about my habits but it's been working.

My penance: 50 lashes with a wet noodle. For each offense. Per person.

Thanks Sonja for kicking my ass at lunch yesterday. It really cheered me up girl!

Knowing I behaved badly yesterday, I made sure to leave on time (!) and get my haircut. When I finally got home I hid my cell phone and refused to get on the computer. I don't know why, but fully unplugging from the world has really been helping me, I just have to force myself to do it. I spend all day at work attached to social media that I've started to feel disconnected if I'm not in front of a computer. That's something that I'm working hard on fixing. I also made sure to get a good night's sleep and I'm feeling so much better this morning.


Workout:
30 min, 2.25 miles
267 calories burned
5 min warm up/cool down
1 min running intervals at 6 mph
2 min walking intervals at 4 mph

Starting over, stress relief and OMG I found a bikini!

After my last post and about an entire month of work related stress, I finally hit that wall. I was driving back from the airport after my week long California trip, it was about midnight and I stopped at Burger King -- I just couldn't help thinking I wasn't looking forward to being home because I had to go to work on Monday. I've never felt that way about my home life, or my job, and I don't want to feel like that ever again. And seriously, does any sober person actually eat BK that early in the morning? Kudos to my husband for putting up with my cranky arse that weekend- the man is a saint!

Spring is coming up and I decided to start working out again on March 1. Low and behold, I actually woke up early enough to hit the treadmill. It wasn't pretty but I managed to walk/run about 22 minutes. My ultimate goal is to hit a 30 min 5k one day (I dare to dream) so I cranked up my intervals to 4 mph walking/6 mph running. The only thing that stopped me were the dry heaves. Considering I haven't really put forth an effort to exercise since October, I thought I did pretty well!

All has not been lost in the last 6 months - while I haven't been exercising, I've been feeling pretty good about things, and I found a bikini. You heard me right - one little blue bikini is my friend! Since I don't swim... EVER... I went the cheapo route and went to Target but I think that it'll do just fine when Parrish & I go off on our 10 year anniversary trip.

Goals for this week:

1. Look into memberships at Planet Fitness
2. Hit the treadmill at least 2 more times
3. Find that next 5k and sign up

Life out of balance

It hit me this morning, as I woke up at 4:30 am and my first thought of was work, that maybe I need to work harder on having a work-life balance. It's like when I was little on the teeter-totter and the fat kid was on one end and I was the on stuck up in the air. I love my job and want to be passionate about my work but it seems to be all encompassing - I'm checking my work email on the weekend, and Parrish had to hide my phone after I finally got home after my DC trip so I would quit texting people.

Recognizing that I have a problem is the first step right? Now what? At that I'm totally stumped. And no matter what Parrish says, folding laundry isn't the answer.

The good news is that I have a 3-day weekend coming up and I intend to take advantage of it - I'm trying to unplug for the entire weekend. Not sure how that's going to work out but it'll be interesting to try. No Facebook, no Twitter... I may actually have to call people!

How do you keep work & life balanced?

Zombies, a bum knee, and a quest for a new 5k

First win of the day - getting out of bed! Last night I had this insanely vivid dream that I was battling off a zombie hoard in a mall and I ALMOST used it as an excuse not to get out of bed this morning. Just an FYI -apparently wooden bats don't work, they tend to splinter. Anyway, between Leroy snoring like my grandma and the zombies when I woke up at 5 this morning I came thisclose to just rolling over and going back to sleep.

Second win of the day - getting on the treadmill! I haven't done much running since the 5k at the end of October -- my body spent 3 days after that telling me I was too old for that shit -- so I decided it was imperative I get up and do something. I tried to do 2 minute intervals walking/running but my left knee started getting a sharp pain in it and so I decided to back off a little. Even though it's insanely pathetic, here's what I managed today:

4 mins running 6mph
16 mins walking 4 mph
1.3 miles
160 calories burned

I am looking for a new 5k to run, and I think that I've got a line on one in December. It's the Raleigh Jingle Bell run (link below), but I can't sign up for it yet. Parrish is going to have hernia surgery sometime that month so I need to make sure that it doesn't coincide with that. I'll know more when he goes to the surgeon in a couple of weeks. I would like to run a 5k almost every month now - I want to get my time down!
http://jinglebellrunraleigh.kintera.org

Why my 35 min 5k isn't utter humiliation

Sonja & I ran our 5k today and I have to say that I'm so proud of the both of us! Not only did she beat her personal goal, the fact that either of us got out there and did this was pretty amazing - especially when taking into account that our normal route is 2 miles, and in all we aren't hard core runners.

My time was 35 mins - not great, but at the same time not the total annihilation of my self confidence that I thought it would be. I've got to stop comparing myself to the Jamie Lee that existed 10 years ago because that's just self-defeating... plus I'm pretty sure I'm far more fun ;)

Once I got to Cameron Village where the Monster Dash was held, it hit me that I was taking this far too seriously. It's hard not to have a good time when there are a ton of little girls running around in tutus and grown-ups running looking like Madonna or in their pajamas. At that moment I decided to focus on doing my best and having a good time.

So while 35 mins wasn't even close to my goal, I don't think that running a 5k in 30 mins or under is that far off, I just have to step up and get more serious about training. The good news is that I'm already looking for my next 5k!